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There's too much blood in my caffeine system
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love me or leave me. Hey where's everybody goin'?
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We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
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A honest person is someone you could play checkers with over the phone.
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Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
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May your life be like toilet paper; long and useful!
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You're unique... just like everyone else...
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Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-anus
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Save a tree, eat a beaver
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I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?
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I'm fat, but ur ugly. I can diet.
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I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving isn't for you.
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Unite against togetherness!
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All general statements are false
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I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
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Have no fear! (your name) is here!
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Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone.
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Working for god doesn't pay much... but the retirement plan is great!
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Me and my imaginary friend think you have serious mental problems
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You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever
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Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
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I smile bcuz I have no idea whats goin on
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Don't depend on a rabbit's foot for good luck bcuz it's obvious it didn't work for the rabbit!
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Save a plant, eat a vegetarian
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save the dustbunnies, eat the vaccuum cleaner
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.
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carpe diem - seize the day; carp in denim - there's a fish in my pants!
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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing!
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Don't leave things unfinishe
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Like I said before, I never repeat myself.
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There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
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If you think nobody cares that your alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
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If we quit voting will they all go away?
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Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people are crazy. Check 3 friends. If they are OK, your it.
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Always proofread your work carefully to see if you any words out.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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Statistics show that every 2 minutes a new statistic is created.
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If olive oil comes from olives... where does baby oil come from?
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I'm away right now, but you can leave a message if ur that desparate.
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I'm not quiet... I'm plotting...
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I see dead people
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If an orange is called an orange then how come a banana isn't called a yellow?
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Help! I've fallen and can't reach my mouse!
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If i called the wrong #, why'd you answer?
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All the cops go on vacation when I'm in town (H)
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Ððñ'† ¥ðµ hå†ê ï† whêñ þêðþlê wrï†ê lïkê †hï§
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dnt u h8 it wen ppl typ lyke dis
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I ried to sniff coke once... but the icecubes got stuck up my nose!!
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Avoid hang-overs, stay drunk
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A life!? Cool! Where can I download one of these?
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Are you really gonna remember to stop drop and roll when you're on fire?
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It hurts to be on fire but it's cool when other people are
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Guns don't kill people. Stupid motherfuckers with guns kill people.
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P- putting up with M - men's - S - shit
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So the elephant says to the camel "Why do you have two boobs on your back?" The camel replies
"That's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on their face."
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Romeo. Romeo. Where art thou, Romeo? He left you, bitch!
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Dinosaurs had their chance to rule the Earth and yes, they blew it.
